Aspiring Youth: Listening, Looking, Learning,

Ode to Psychosis

I have been to the innermost recesses of my mind
And I have returned
I have played with the fire inside me
And I have been burned by my creativity
But in turn I have learned to deal
With what is unavoidable, hereditary.
My psychosis’ history began gradually,
First I questioned my sexuality,
Then I thought people were constantly watching me,
That I was a star on reality TV,
Then I believed that I was on radio,
That my thoughts were being broadcast out loud via stereo
And all the announcers sang odes about me
Communicated in rehearsed codes about me.
Shortly after each movement took on meaning,
Each word said something about my being,
A greater power was explaining all the things I was hearing and seeing
I had the feeling I was touched by divinity
And I thought that I was myself a deity
And yet I never really felt comfortable, stable,
Like it or not there was constantly company at the table
I was communicating with the dead as well as with the distant,
And the voices in my head were unavoidable, insistent,
It took four months, once on meds, for the thoughts to recede,
It took vigilance and care and no stress and no weed,
There are times that I miss the excitement of the sickness
Being the center of the world and the pseudo-mental quickness,
Then I remember how much I accomplished
And I chastise myself and I quickly admonish
I can do things now that I could never do then
I can write this poem with a story and an end.

posted by AspiringYouth @ 11:06 AM